12: Continuing treatment- the talking cure

When I was 14, the same consultant who thought nothing of examining my lady bits in front of a group of medical students decided to respond to my mothers concern that I was withdrawn by sending me to a child psychologist. Funnily he never thought once to recommend that I be put in contact with another girl with TS of my age.

I started seeing Kay in the spring of 1987. At first I was going once a week. I trundled off from school on the underground up to the centre of London. After a few months this was increased to three times a week. This proved to be highly disruptive and tiring as I had the journey to and from the clinic in the centre of London. Later this moved to Peckham Rye. Still a long journey!

I would usually communicate with Kay by drawing pictures-often very elaborate. I would discuss how I felt about things such as my family and school and TS. I would discuss my imaginary TS friend who I would draw. It certainly thought me to reflect on things- maybe not always in a good way.

Along with seeing Kay, myself and my family would also see a social worker -way to make me feel like a family issue! Indeed the whole process did make me feel like I was somehow abnormal and needed to alter the person that I was.

While this had a role, it may have been as well to encourage my interests and certainly put me in contact with other girls with TS. Again Kay was not the problem, but the approach taken by my TS clinic was.

I would say Kay helped me to look at some things differently and it was in hindsight a useful experience.

I saw Kay for over four years and my seeing her only ended because I went to university. I have felt on occasions that it might be good to recommence such a relationship but it would need to be a lot less disruptive to my everyday life.

The main good point of going was getting to stay with my grandparents once a week. I formed a strong relationship with them both and look back with such fondness on the evenings I spend with them chatting. This has given me memories which ironically helped me more long term