Apologies for not posting for a while- had an interesting 2011 (that is one way of putting it!)
I have got further in feminism in the last year - helping out with events and stuff and really enjoying my book group!
As a little post here is some stuff I am listening to at the meoment
George Harrison- Cloud Nine/ All things must pass- oh the memories, the memories!
Beatles- The Beatles (White Album)- ditto!
Cardinal- Hymns - every bit as good as the original (which is one of my fave albums!)
Beach Boys- Smile - every bit as astonishing as I hoped it would be
Doris Troy- Anthology - We miss you Doris
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
Saturday, 12 March 2011
40: The media and TS
Recently there was coverage in the UK press about Penny Jarvis Stephens freezing her eggs for her daughter Mackenzie Stephens, a two year old girl with TS. While I have my own thoughts about this issue, it has also made me reflect again on the whole topic of the way Turners Syndrome is discussed in the media
In December 2009, there was an episode of ‘Casualty’ which included a character with TS. However this character was portrayed as emotionally unhinged by her infertility to the point where she snatches a child and later causes a fatal car accident in which a baby dies. This caused a considerable amount of distress and offence to the women with TS who saw it. When I complained to the BBC, the response was highly patronising and condescending. The medical researcher had not even got the fact rights as the actress portraying the woman with TS was of normal height! What was so offensive about the storyline was that it portrayed infertility as a form of mental illness.
I also heard of possibly the most surreal reference to TS. This was on the Jeremy Kyle show! A man and woman were in dispute about the paternity of a small girl (so far, so Jeremy Kyle) but this girl had TS and the mother accused the father of not being supportive when the girl needed so much medical attention. Lucy managed to see some of it and she told me how the woman being overly dramatic about the condition saying her daughter needed surgery on most major organs! TS is a complex condition but surely not to this extent!
Finally we return to the story of Penny and Mackenzie Stephens. Again the focus of the story is on infertility, even though Mackenzie also has other health issues such as restricted hearing. The story is also told from a parents’ perspective
You will notice above that when TS is discussed that 1: it is usually in the context of infertility, how terrible it is and how it needs to be overcome 2: Parents, usually mothers get to speak for their TS children rather than having a woman with TS talk about the condition itself. This is unfortunately true in most coverage of TS, when it occurs.
Lucy and myself have remonstrated with a parent involved with a support group about the sort of stories she was involved with putting out in the media. These focused both on her daughters’ infertility and ‘behaviour issues’ (she was made to critise her own harmless behaviour on a tv documenatry). This cannot be helpful over the long tem.
There was another occasion when I was approached to talk to a populist magazine. In the end, the magazine decided to interview another woman with TS who had adopted a family of three children with her husband. I was grateful at least on this occasion a woman with TS got to tell the story, even if the focus was yet again on fertility.
The one time that TS made the front page was 14 years ago when David Skuse presented his research on TS and social skills. This resulted in a number of very unhelpful articles such as this one from Time which argued that women with TS are socially impaired, and worse still that this is somehow because they are more like men than other women. It may be a good headline for a news reporter but it is women with TS who have to live with the consequences of these types of stories. It makes it that much harder to be open about TS publicly
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,986575,00.htmlat
Andy Warhol's assertion that there is no such thing as bad publicity is not necessary true!
Recently a TS friend appeared on See Hear as she has very restricted hearing. It was good that another health issue connected with TS got some coverage, particualrly as hearing issues are something which have a considerable impact on many women with TS.
There are many medical issues which do not get the media coverage they deserve or that get misrepresented. There are also the additional issues of the way that the media portrays women. There is no easy solution to this issue- only to try and make sure we raise our voices and make ourselves heard
In December 2009, there was an episode of ‘Casualty’ which included a character with TS. However this character was portrayed as emotionally unhinged by her infertility to the point where she snatches a child and later causes a fatal car accident in which a baby dies. This caused a considerable amount of distress and offence to the women with TS who saw it. When I complained to the BBC, the response was highly patronising and condescending. The medical researcher had not even got the fact rights as the actress portraying the woman with TS was of normal height! What was so offensive about the storyline was that it portrayed infertility as a form of mental illness.
I also heard of possibly the most surreal reference to TS. This was on the Jeremy Kyle show! A man and woman were in dispute about the paternity of a small girl (so far, so Jeremy Kyle) but this girl had TS and the mother accused the father of not being supportive when the girl needed so much medical attention. Lucy managed to see some of it and she told me how the woman being overly dramatic about the condition saying her daughter needed surgery on most major organs! TS is a complex condition but surely not to this extent!
Finally we return to the story of Penny and Mackenzie Stephens. Again the focus of the story is on infertility, even though Mackenzie also has other health issues such as restricted hearing. The story is also told from a parents’ perspective
You will notice above that when TS is discussed that 1: it is usually in the context of infertility, how terrible it is and how it needs to be overcome 2: Parents, usually mothers get to speak for their TS children rather than having a woman with TS talk about the condition itself. This is unfortunately true in most coverage of TS, when it occurs.
Lucy and myself have remonstrated with a parent involved with a support group about the sort of stories she was involved with putting out in the media. These focused both on her daughters’ infertility and ‘behaviour issues’ (she was made to critise her own harmless behaviour on a tv documenatry). This cannot be helpful over the long tem.
There was another occasion when I was approached to talk to a populist magazine. In the end, the magazine decided to interview another woman with TS who had adopted a family of three children with her husband. I was grateful at least on this occasion a woman with TS got to tell the story, even if the focus was yet again on fertility.
The one time that TS made the front page was 14 years ago when David Skuse presented his research on TS and social skills. This resulted in a number of very unhelpful articles such as this one from Time which argued that women with TS are socially impaired, and worse still that this is somehow because they are more like men than other women. It may be a good headline for a news reporter but it is women with TS who have to live with the consequences of these types of stories. It makes it that much harder to be open about TS publicly
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,986575,00.htmlat
Andy Warhol's assertion that there is no such thing as bad publicity is not necessary true!
Recently a TS friend appeared on See Hear as she has very restricted hearing. It was good that another health issue connected with TS got some coverage, particualrly as hearing issues are something which have a considerable impact on many women with TS.
There are many medical issues which do not get the media coverage they deserve or that get misrepresented. There are also the additional issues of the way that the media portrays women. There is no easy solution to this issue- only to try and make sure we raise our voices and make ourselves heard
Sunday, 2 January 2011
39: My 2010
As 2010 draws to an end, there are a number of things I have been reflecting on.
During 2009 I went to a counsellor to discuss how I felt about various issues including my relationships with my family, friends and work colleagues and the ongoing emotional fall out around my relationship with Gabriel. I found the counselling useful up to a point and have tried to use it to move forward. I have begun to look at some of my insecurities and how I can overcome these.
Just as well as this year has certainly brought its challenges- as my friends know! There has been a difficult situation at work and at home (dealing with a neighbours’ behaviour) as well as my personal relationships with family and friends.
I know that I can be oversensitive to criticism. I know that I can often misread others’ intentions. I must continue to learn not to allow the negative attitude I have towards myself affect my relationships with others. I have learnt to step back and enjoy seeing my friends and family as and when is possible and not take it personally if people are busy or take time getting back to me. I have learnt to trust people more. I know I have a long way to go. I still need to look at my insecurities and whether I deal with particular situations well. But I feel like I am beginning to move towards the sorts of relationships I want with others and be more relaxed about how people I care about view me.
Then there is the other aspect of my relationships of others. I have allowed others to push me about and put up with bullying/belittling behaviour. However this year I have started to take action in situations where others have behaved aggressively towards me and stepped away from relationships where there has been aggressive or belittling behaviour. This has not always been easy. But I am glad that I am developing enough self respect to know that I do not have to accept this behaviour. I have learnt that I can get help.
All in all, in the past year I have learnt to develop self-respect and assertiveness. I owe this not just to myself but to others who care about me too
During 2009 I went to a counsellor to discuss how I felt about various issues including my relationships with my family, friends and work colleagues and the ongoing emotional fall out around my relationship with Gabriel. I found the counselling useful up to a point and have tried to use it to move forward. I have begun to look at some of my insecurities and how I can overcome these.
Just as well as this year has certainly brought its challenges- as my friends know! There has been a difficult situation at work and at home (dealing with a neighbours’ behaviour) as well as my personal relationships with family and friends.
I know that I can be oversensitive to criticism. I know that I can often misread others’ intentions. I must continue to learn not to allow the negative attitude I have towards myself affect my relationships with others. I have learnt to step back and enjoy seeing my friends and family as and when is possible and not take it personally if people are busy or take time getting back to me. I have learnt to trust people more. I know I have a long way to go. I still need to look at my insecurities and whether I deal with particular situations well. But I feel like I am beginning to move towards the sorts of relationships I want with others and be more relaxed about how people I care about view me.
Then there is the other aspect of my relationships of others. I have allowed others to push me about and put up with bullying/belittling behaviour. However this year I have started to take action in situations where others have behaved aggressively towards me and stepped away from relationships where there has been aggressive or belittling behaviour. This has not always been easy. But I am glad that I am developing enough self respect to know that I do not have to accept this behaviour. I have learnt that I can get help.
All in all, in the past year I have learnt to develop self-respect and assertiveness. I owe this not just to myself but to others who care about me too
Sunday, 26 December 2010
38: In the words of Salt 'n' Peppa
Considering that I have been involved with a local TS group for several years the issue of sex has come up very rarely in either our conversations when we meet up or in our group newsletter.
Sex is intrinsically linked to sexual identity and gender. Being confident about sex requires being confident in your sexuality. It requires having a good relationship with your body. It requires feeling in control of your body. Your sexuality is part of who you are as a person. It is part of all the other aspects of who you are as a person- your political, religious and social beliefs. It is an important part of how you feel about your body and yourself as a person. If you feel negatively about your sexuality, you feel negatively about yourself as a person. If you do not feel as though you have ownership of your sexuality you do not feel as though you have control of your life.
This is particularly an issue for women. In spite of feminism, we still live in a society which still has an at best complex attitude towards female sexuality. We still live with an enormous amount of patriachal misogynist attitudes.
As I have written in an earlier post, women with TS have complicated relationships with their bodies and their sexuality. I certainly know that my relationship with my sexuality has been deeply affected by my medical treatment.
It is interesting that in my own experience, when sex has been discussed at TS events, it has usually been women who do not have TS who have brought up the topic. I will not forget a woman who was writing a book on HRT giving us tips at a conference, or having an amusing discussion about an Anne Summers catalogue at another conference. I have since discovered that there was discussion of sexuality at a recent TSSS conference which is a good sign.
While we have had discussions about how we feel about ourselves as women and how we express our femininity and discuss certain aspects of relationships, sex is something we rarely if ever discuss. Sex is a highly delicate topic and is easier to discuss either one to one or in a small group.
While looking at another TS blog I came across the following statistic ‘Out of 80 women only 55% reported having sexual relations by the age of 34.’ Pavlides et al. (1995). I do not find this surprising from observing the experiences of my TS friends. While a large number of my TS friends are or have been in relationships I know there are a considerable number who have not.
I wish I knew why this should be the case. It is sad to think that our experiences have been so damaging. It is interesting to note that women who received later diagnosis are more confident in their sexuality than those who have had earlier diagnosis. Are our attitides to our bodies and our sexual identity damaged by social expectations of women and our medical treatment? It could be that sexuality is linked so closley to fertility (for both for men and women) and there are still issues around accepting sex being an act of desire/love rather than being a procreative act.
There is an expectation that you will be sexuality active. I remember the incredulity of a GP to whom I told I was a virgin some years ago. I was made to feel as though I was either highly abnormal or a liar by the way she spoke to me. I also found some rude comments on my medical notes by a GP who I thought was being supportive when I attempted to have a smear test.
I have only in the last eighteen months felt able to look at my own sexuality in an honest way and begin to take ownership of it. I am becoming more aware that sexuality is not just about sex but also the relationship you have with yourself. It requires a good level of self awareness and self acceptance required to have a healthy sexuality. I have come to accept that I have sexual feelings and desires and a need to express these.
This was in no small part I ended up discussing the issue of sexuality with a counsellor last year and she get me to examine the issues I have around sex and sexuality. This has helped me begin to resolve some of these.
There are still It does not help that I have come to realise that the one person I have strong feelings towards is Gabriel and that there is no way of acting on these. There is still a lot of confusion and questions that I need to resolve.
Back in April I had an enormously helpful discussion about the vexed topic of sexuality with a couple of TS friends who are not part of my main circle of TS friends. This is not an unimportant point as it was because they are not part of my main circle of friends that I felt able to bring the topic up. They were both incredibly supportive and affirming in their advice.
It is important that as women with TS we continue to move forward discussing these issues together and supporting each other.
Sex is intrinsically linked to sexual identity and gender. Being confident about sex requires being confident in your sexuality. It requires having a good relationship with your body. It requires feeling in control of your body. Your sexuality is part of who you are as a person. It is part of all the other aspects of who you are as a person- your political, religious and social beliefs. It is an important part of how you feel about your body and yourself as a person. If you feel negatively about your sexuality, you feel negatively about yourself as a person. If you do not feel as though you have ownership of your sexuality you do not feel as though you have control of your life.
This is particularly an issue for women. In spite of feminism, we still live in a society which still has an at best complex attitude towards female sexuality. We still live with an enormous amount of patriachal misogynist attitudes.
As I have written in an earlier post, women with TS have complicated relationships with their bodies and their sexuality. I certainly know that my relationship with my sexuality has been deeply affected by my medical treatment.
It is interesting that in my own experience, when sex has been discussed at TS events, it has usually been women who do not have TS who have brought up the topic. I will not forget a woman who was writing a book on HRT giving us tips at a conference, or having an amusing discussion about an Anne Summers catalogue at another conference. I have since discovered that there was discussion of sexuality at a recent TSSS conference which is a good sign.
While we have had discussions about how we feel about ourselves as women and how we express our femininity and discuss certain aspects of relationships, sex is something we rarely if ever discuss. Sex is a highly delicate topic and is easier to discuss either one to one or in a small group.
While looking at another TS blog I came across the following statistic ‘Out of 80 women only 55% reported having sexual relations by the age of 34.’ Pavlides et al. (1995). I do not find this surprising from observing the experiences of my TS friends. While a large number of my TS friends are or have been in relationships I know there are a considerable number who have not.
I wish I knew why this should be the case. It is sad to think that our experiences have been so damaging. It is interesting to note that women who received later diagnosis are more confident in their sexuality than those who have had earlier diagnosis. Are our attitides to our bodies and our sexual identity damaged by social expectations of women and our medical treatment? It could be that sexuality is linked so closley to fertility (for both for men and women) and there are still issues around accepting sex being an act of desire/love rather than being a procreative act.
There is an expectation that you will be sexuality active. I remember the incredulity of a GP to whom I told I was a virgin some years ago. I was made to feel as though I was either highly abnormal or a liar by the way she spoke to me. I also found some rude comments on my medical notes by a GP who I thought was being supportive when I attempted to have a smear test.
I have only in the last eighteen months felt able to look at my own sexuality in an honest way and begin to take ownership of it. I am becoming more aware that sexuality is not just about sex but also the relationship you have with yourself. It requires a good level of self awareness and self acceptance required to have a healthy sexuality. I have come to accept that I have sexual feelings and desires and a need to express these.
This was in no small part I ended up discussing the issue of sexuality with a counsellor last year and she get me to examine the issues I have around sex and sexuality. This has helped me begin to resolve some of these.
There are still It does not help that I have come to realise that the one person I have strong feelings towards is Gabriel and that there is no way of acting on these. There is still a lot of confusion and questions that I need to resolve.
Back in April I had an enormously helpful discussion about the vexed topic of sexuality with a couple of TS friends who are not part of my main circle of TS friends. This is not an unimportant point as it was because they are not part of my main circle of friends that I felt able to bring the topic up. They were both incredibly supportive and affirming in their advice.
It is important that as women with TS we continue to move forward discussing these issues together and supporting each other.
Saturday, 18 December 2010
37: Conversations amongst ourselves
Back in September, I met up with some of my TS friends. During the course of the afternoon we has some ‘lively’ discussions on issues such as capital punishment, food and nutrition, the upcoming TS national conference, the best method for dealing with a demanding colleague, and whether there really is ‘someone for everyone’ (that one was on me!- I don’t believe there is and stand by that!) Much of what we discussed directly arose from issues we face as women with TS- in the workplace, in our relationships and in our medical treatment. While there are common experiences we do not all deal with the issues we face in the same way or necessarily agree with the way other women may deal with the same problem.
Indeed there have been a number of memorable occasions when there has been some rather heated debate. Women with TS are a diverse lot with different life experiences such as education, work, relationships, politics and religion. We all have a wide variety of personalities with some of us being more gregarious and socially outgoing than others.
For me the most memorable occasion where a discussion went awry was at a group meet up a few years ago. In the middle of a busy high street two women got into a heated discussion about TS politics (see below) followed by a discussion on the highly sensitive topic of genetics and gender identity. I got incredibly upset with both women for holding this conversation in the middle of the street and started to cry (I was also upset after my break up with Gabriel).
There is also an additional issue when meeting up when meeting as a group that it forces you to reflect upon issues that are often painful to deal with. Hearing others’ stories about what issues they have to deal with can be draining and occasionally uncomfortable. Seeing so many other women with TS can also be overwhelming for some women. This is particularly true if they are having issues dealing with TS.
However on most occasions when I have got to a meeting of women with TS, it has generally been a positive experience with women showing respect and courtesy to one another. I know from discussions I have had with women in another group of TS friends that it is not all sweetness and light!
Then we come to the vexed topic of the situation with the two UK support groups that deal with TS. Lucy and I have a particular set of experiences which mean we have one outlook on the split which occurred ten years ago. However several other women have completely the opposite outlook. There is a woman whom I have enormous respect for and love but I do feel as though she is putting myself and others under pressure to be involved with a particular group. I have tried to explain my reasons for why I feel unable to be involved. I also challenged another woman (on the occasion mentioned above) about what Lucy and I felt was a lack of support and loyalty during the split of the two national groups. Perhaps this matter was better not brought up after seven years, and I should have been more sensitive to the issues and pressures that the woman faces.
I appreciate that no situation is ever black or white and women in the group have different sets of experiences and indeed loyalties. For this reason I try and avoid the whole topic! However I don’t think it is any accident that of the women with TS outside of London and the South East of the UK that I am closest to do not have very strong feelings on the topic.
There is also the sensitive subject of how far the common bond of having TS means that you will be able to sustain a friendship. This works both ways. There are women that I tried to befriend that were clearly not that interested. I am also guilty of not being as supportive of some of my TS friends as I could be.
There needs to be some common ground besides TS. You need to have some shared outlooks. That is not to say you have to completely agree! For example, one of my dearest TS friends have almost completely the opposite political and social outlook to me. But I have a more profound respect for her and a deeper friendship with her than I have for many of my friends (both TS and non TS) who share my political outlook.
I recall a couple of very awkward weekends I spent visiting a woman and her husband about seven years ago. I was being placed under pressure to go on holiday with them which would have been a very bad idea! The woman was incredibly sweet but the only thing we had in common was TS. This was not enough to build a friendship on. In the end I cut off contact as I felt unable to explain this.
I know that I am as guilty of being prone to make demands on my TS friends as anyone and as prone to allowing personal insecurities affect my friendships. I will say I find it painful to deal with rejection by other women with TS. I know from discussions with my TS friends that criticism or perceived criticism from other woman with TS can be difficult to deal with.
I admit that I have handled certain situations badly. There was a woman with TS who I was close friends with several years ago. We could meet regularly as we worked near each other. However the woman got a job nearer to where she lived and we gradually drifted apart. I ended up leaving an indignant message on her phone once which was not understanding of me. We are still vaguely in contact and I still think the world of her. I hope she knows this. I have also said things to some of my friends which I regret and not extended the understanding on certain occasions that I should have done.
In the end my TS friends are like any group of people brought together by circumstance. Some will get along, others will not. Sometimes you make unexpected connections, sometimes you don’t connect with someone you thought you would. Friendship takes a lot of hard work and give and take. There are going to be occasional issues. It is important however to place these in context and realise how much my friends with TS bring to my life.
Indeed there have been a number of memorable occasions when there has been some rather heated debate. Women with TS are a diverse lot with different life experiences such as education, work, relationships, politics and religion. We all have a wide variety of personalities with some of us being more gregarious and socially outgoing than others.
For me the most memorable occasion where a discussion went awry was at a group meet up a few years ago. In the middle of a busy high street two women got into a heated discussion about TS politics (see below) followed by a discussion on the highly sensitive topic of genetics and gender identity. I got incredibly upset with both women for holding this conversation in the middle of the street and started to cry (I was also upset after my break up with Gabriel).
There is also an additional issue when meeting up when meeting as a group that it forces you to reflect upon issues that are often painful to deal with. Hearing others’ stories about what issues they have to deal with can be draining and occasionally uncomfortable. Seeing so many other women with TS can also be overwhelming for some women. This is particularly true if they are having issues dealing with TS.
However on most occasions when I have got to a meeting of women with TS, it has generally been a positive experience with women showing respect and courtesy to one another. I know from discussions I have had with women in another group of TS friends that it is not all sweetness and light!
Then we come to the vexed topic of the situation with the two UK support groups that deal with TS. Lucy and I have a particular set of experiences which mean we have one outlook on the split which occurred ten years ago. However several other women have completely the opposite outlook. There is a woman whom I have enormous respect for and love but I do feel as though she is putting myself and others under pressure to be involved with a particular group. I have tried to explain my reasons for why I feel unable to be involved. I also challenged another woman (on the occasion mentioned above) about what Lucy and I felt was a lack of support and loyalty during the split of the two national groups. Perhaps this matter was better not brought up after seven years, and I should have been more sensitive to the issues and pressures that the woman faces.
I appreciate that no situation is ever black or white and women in the group have different sets of experiences and indeed loyalties. For this reason I try and avoid the whole topic! However I don’t think it is any accident that of the women with TS outside of London and the South East of the UK that I am closest to do not have very strong feelings on the topic.
There is also the sensitive subject of how far the common bond of having TS means that you will be able to sustain a friendship. This works both ways. There are women that I tried to befriend that were clearly not that interested. I am also guilty of not being as supportive of some of my TS friends as I could be.
There needs to be some common ground besides TS. You need to have some shared outlooks. That is not to say you have to completely agree! For example, one of my dearest TS friends have almost completely the opposite political and social outlook to me. But I have a more profound respect for her and a deeper friendship with her than I have for many of my friends (both TS and non TS) who share my political outlook.
I recall a couple of very awkward weekends I spent visiting a woman and her husband about seven years ago. I was being placed under pressure to go on holiday with them which would have been a very bad idea! The woman was incredibly sweet but the only thing we had in common was TS. This was not enough to build a friendship on. In the end I cut off contact as I felt unable to explain this.
I know that I am as guilty of being prone to make demands on my TS friends as anyone and as prone to allowing personal insecurities affect my friendships. I will say I find it painful to deal with rejection by other women with TS. I know from discussions with my TS friends that criticism or perceived criticism from other woman with TS can be difficult to deal with.
I admit that I have handled certain situations badly. There was a woman with TS who I was close friends with several years ago. We could meet regularly as we worked near each other. However the woman got a job nearer to where she lived and we gradually drifted apart. I ended up leaving an indignant message on her phone once which was not understanding of me. We are still vaguely in contact and I still think the world of her. I hope she knows this. I have also said things to some of my friends which I regret and not extended the understanding on certain occasions that I should have done.
In the end my TS friends are like any group of people brought together by circumstance. Some will get along, others will not. Sometimes you make unexpected connections, sometimes you don’t connect with someone you thought you would. Friendship takes a lot of hard work and give and take. There are going to be occasional issues. It is important however to place these in context and realise how much my friends with TS bring to my life.
Saturday, 25 September 2010
36: TS and feminism- some thoughts
I have recently started getting involved with a feminist group, something I have been intending to do for a couple of years.
Part of why I have wanted to get involved is that I have found feminist thought on a number of issues (gender roles, women and the medical profession and reproduction) very useful in helping me explore and come to terms with certain aspects of TS.
As I have discussed in my previous post there are serious issues around the way doctors deal with women with TS. The medical profession is still, like many professions, dominated by men. While I have experience of several female GPs, I have had very limited experience (if any) of being treated by female consultants. I discussed in an earlier blog entry the effect that my treatment by male consultants has had on how I view myself as a woman, and how consultants project a view of what is feminine onto girls and women with TS. Feminists have been the one group who have examined the way the medical profession has treated women and how it is an inherently patriarchal profession (as most are!)
I know of one group of TS friends who have enjoyed an excellent relationship with a female gynaecologist over several years. However this is the exception rather than the rule.
One of the issues ‘second wave’ feminists looked at was the way women are treated in the medical profession. They were concerned to ensure that women got information about how their bodies work and how to take charge of their health. This was exemplified by the Boston women’s health book collective’s collating and publishing ‘Our bodies, ourselves’ in 1973. This had an important role in helping women reclaim some balance in their relationships with the medical profession and gave them the confidence to question doctors. It also helped women to discern that they could find information for themselves and disseminate it to others with the same health issues. Most importantly it helped women perceive that they had ownership of their bodies and could have ownership of any health issues they may have. I find that I gain as much if not more medical information from my friends with TS as I do from health professionals. We also share our experiences of our treatment by particular health professionals. This is directly builds on the practices developed by the Boston Women’s health book collective back in the 1970’s.
I have been involved in a couple of ‘speak outs’ at a couple of TS conferences about my life with TS. The ‘Speak out’ was a technique of awareness raising developed by second wave feminists, which has been used around issues such as abortion.
My friends from the local TS group may not be aware of it but every time we meet up we practice the key second wave feminist practice of ‘Consciousness raising’ This is the practice of women coming together to share their experiences of particular issues such as relationships, work , etc. By coming together in ‘consciousness raising’ groups in the late 1960’s/early 1970’s and sharing their experiences, the women involved with these groups were able to discern common patterns of how they were treated as women, and that experiences that they thought were unique to themselves were actually shared by large numbers of women. They were able to build on what had been shared in these groups to for feminist theory on issues such as rape (Susan Brownmiller’s ‘Against our will’) and housework and gender roles in the home (Ann Oakley’s ‘Housewife’). Through our conversations my friends and myself have been able to see that we share specific experiences we thought were unique, particularly in the work place (many of us have been bullied), relationships with men (specifically how potential partners deal with our infertility) and with our families. This has allowed us to become stronger as individuals as we realise that we are not alone and to support each other as we can share coping strategies.
Feminism has also challenged the idea that a woman is only truly fulfilled though motherhood. By fighting for women’s reproductive rights, feminists have helped women claim sex as something that is important in and of itself, and not just part of the reproductive process (I will discuss the specific implications of this further in a later post).
By fighting for women’s educational and employment rights feminists have enabled many women to find validation which does not involve becoming a mother. This has allowed women with TS opportunities to contribute to society that they would not have had even 50 years ago.
Feminists have been at the forefront of looking at issues of gender. I attended a highly useful event in April this year looking at different feminist theories of gender. There is a transcript at http://www.troubleandstrife.org/?page_id=527. I came away from this event feeling enormously heartened. The last few years have seen the rise of ‘Queer’ theory of gender which argues for a multiplicity of genders. To this end, Turners Syndrome (along with some other chromosome conditions) has been incorrectly described as an ‘intersex condition’ by some ‘Queer’ gender theorists. Not only does this display a complete misunderstanding of TS as a condition, it is also profoundly damaging to women with TS, whose sense of themselves as women has already been undermined by the way we have been treated. Radical feminist thought argues that gender roles are something that should be transcended and that social conditioning plays as large a part as biology in how we become ‘male’ or female’. Therefore just because women with TS are infertile, this does nor rob the of their womanhood.
Certainly there are some tensions. There are feminist groups which oppose the selling of eggs (which is clearly something which many women with TS would support as there is a significant shortage in egg donors in this country). There are also feminists who have concerns around IVF generally and who distrust the use of HRT.
However, I am grateful every day for the feminist movement.
Part of why I have wanted to get involved is that I have found feminist thought on a number of issues (gender roles, women and the medical profession and reproduction) very useful in helping me explore and come to terms with certain aspects of TS.
As I have discussed in my previous post there are serious issues around the way doctors deal with women with TS. The medical profession is still, like many professions, dominated by men. While I have experience of several female GPs, I have had very limited experience (if any) of being treated by female consultants. I discussed in an earlier blog entry the effect that my treatment by male consultants has had on how I view myself as a woman, and how consultants project a view of what is feminine onto girls and women with TS. Feminists have been the one group who have examined the way the medical profession has treated women and how it is an inherently patriarchal profession (as most are!)
I know of one group of TS friends who have enjoyed an excellent relationship with a female gynaecologist over several years. However this is the exception rather than the rule.
One of the issues ‘second wave’ feminists looked at was the way women are treated in the medical profession. They were concerned to ensure that women got information about how their bodies work and how to take charge of their health. This was exemplified by the Boston women’s health book collective’s collating and publishing ‘Our bodies, ourselves’ in 1973. This had an important role in helping women reclaim some balance in their relationships with the medical profession and gave them the confidence to question doctors. It also helped women to discern that they could find information for themselves and disseminate it to others with the same health issues. Most importantly it helped women perceive that they had ownership of their bodies and could have ownership of any health issues they may have. I find that I gain as much if not more medical information from my friends with TS as I do from health professionals. We also share our experiences of our treatment by particular health professionals. This is directly builds on the practices developed by the Boston Women’s health book collective back in the 1970’s.
I have been involved in a couple of ‘speak outs’ at a couple of TS conferences about my life with TS. The ‘Speak out’ was a technique of awareness raising developed by second wave feminists, which has been used around issues such as abortion.
My friends from the local TS group may not be aware of it but every time we meet up we practice the key second wave feminist practice of ‘Consciousness raising’ This is the practice of women coming together to share their experiences of particular issues such as relationships, work , etc. By coming together in ‘consciousness raising’ groups in the late 1960’s/early 1970’s and sharing their experiences, the women involved with these groups were able to discern common patterns of how they were treated as women, and that experiences that they thought were unique to themselves were actually shared by large numbers of women. They were able to build on what had been shared in these groups to for feminist theory on issues such as rape (Susan Brownmiller’s ‘Against our will’) and housework and gender roles in the home (Ann Oakley’s ‘Housewife’). Through our conversations my friends and myself have been able to see that we share specific experiences we thought were unique, particularly in the work place (many of us have been bullied), relationships with men (specifically how potential partners deal with our infertility) and with our families. This has allowed us to become stronger as individuals as we realise that we are not alone and to support each other as we can share coping strategies.
Feminism has also challenged the idea that a woman is only truly fulfilled though motherhood. By fighting for women’s reproductive rights, feminists have helped women claim sex as something that is important in and of itself, and not just part of the reproductive process (I will discuss the specific implications of this further in a later post).
By fighting for women’s educational and employment rights feminists have enabled many women to find validation which does not involve becoming a mother. This has allowed women with TS opportunities to contribute to society that they would not have had even 50 years ago.
Feminists have been at the forefront of looking at issues of gender. I attended a highly useful event in April this year looking at different feminist theories of gender. There is a transcript at http://www.troubleandstrife.org/?page_id=527. I came away from this event feeling enormously heartened. The last few years have seen the rise of ‘Queer’ theory of gender which argues for a multiplicity of genders. To this end, Turners Syndrome (along with some other chromosome conditions) has been incorrectly described as an ‘intersex condition’ by some ‘Queer’ gender theorists. Not only does this display a complete misunderstanding of TS as a condition, it is also profoundly damaging to women with TS, whose sense of themselves as women has already been undermined by the way we have been treated. Radical feminist thought argues that gender roles are something that should be transcended and that social conditioning plays as large a part as biology in how we become ‘male’ or female’. Therefore just because women with TS are infertile, this does nor rob the of their womanhood.
Certainly there are some tensions. There are feminist groups which oppose the selling of eggs (which is clearly something which many women with TS would support as there is a significant shortage in egg donors in this country). There are also feminists who have concerns around IVF generally and who distrust the use of HRT.
However, I am grateful every day for the feminist movement.
Sunday, 19 September 2010
35. I like Mike (White) p. 3- Chuck and Buck
As I said in post 33 I went to see the Film ‘Chuck and Buck’ three times in the space of two weeks when it came out in UK in November 2000. I vividly recall thinking even as I was watching the film for the first time that this was going to be a film that was going to be very important in my life.
The film follows the events following the reunion of two childhood friends Charlie (Chuck) Sitter (played by Chris Weitz who would go on to direct ‘The Golden Compass’ and ‘New Moon’) and Buck O’ Brien (Mike White) at the funeral of Buck mother. The two men were best friends when they were eleven, although they have not met in many years and are now twenty seven. Charlie moved to Los Angeles and became a successful record company executive, with a fiancé called Carlyn. However Buck still acts as though he were eleven, playing with toys and sucking lollipops. Something transpires at the funeral that sends Charlie running back to Los Angeles and hints that something amiss happened between them when they were children.
Buck is undeterred and follows Charlie to Los Angeles. He turns up at Charlie’s work unannounced, phones his house at all hours and spies on him. Some of the critics of the film feel uneasy with its portrayal of stalking. Ironically many some of these critics wanted the story to resolve violently. Rather, the film shows the emotional distress and disruption that stalking causes to its victims and explores the social inadequacies and isolation of those who stalk.
Buck eventually decides to write a play about his childhood relationship with Charlie which he persuades a children’s theatre across the road from Charlie’s work to stage. He gets Beverley (Lupe Ontiveros) who works at the theatre to direct the play for $25 an hour. While at first there are elements of exploitation in the relationship, Beverley becomes fond of Buck and eventually becomes a valuable friend. She is able to comfort him when he finally relinquishes his attachment to Charlie and able to confide in him about her own insecurities. Through Beverley Buck finds a role in the adult world through helping out at the theatre. He in turn has given Beverley a chance to escape her mundane job in the box office and show her talents as a director.
Ontiveros gives a truly excellent performance- showing what a criminally misused actress she is. Before she acted in this film she had played the role of a maid in around 150-200 films/TV programmes including the Goonies and ‘As good as it gets’. Ontiveros said recently at the tenth anniversary screening I refer to below that she accepted the role without reading the script for no other reason than it was not a stereotypical Latina role (http://www.ifc.com/news/2010/08/chuck-and-buck-turns-10.php). In this article she also tells how Mike White called her in tears after she won an award for best supporting actress at the National Board of Review Awards in 2001, delighted she had finally got some recognition
Arteta also made unconventional choices for two other roles. He got his Wesleyan University classmate and friend Paul Weitz to play would be actor Sam and Paul’s brother Chris to play Charlie. Both had just finished making ‘American Pie’ which would make their names. Paul gives a wonderful comic performance as Sam, getting to deliver some highly politically incorrect lines. Some commentators have noted that Sam seems to be stuck in late adolescence the same way Buck is stuck in late childhood. In spite of his obvious lack of ability he decides to pursue a career in acting (reckoning it is better than laying carpet). He is highly misogynistic, making crude comments about Beverley behind her back in response to her more sophisticated put downs. He has also driven a female neighbour away with his behaviour. We find out in a deleted scene that he has driven his girlfriend to join a cult and has had issues with substance abuse. However, in spite of this he turns out to be more mature in his dealings with Buck than Charlie. After Buck gropes him, Sam immediately challenges him. There is even a note of self reproach that he has misread the situation. When Buck apologies for this pass, Sam accepts the apology after making it clear that he doesn’t want to sleep with him, but does not reject him. Carter Soles in his essay for E-jump cut (http://www.ejumpcut.org/archive/jc49.2007/CarterSoles/.html) explores the possibility that Sam himself is latently gay. In particular he explores Sam’s ‘smiling and scoping’ Buck twice, once when they first talk and in their conversation before Buck attends Charlie’s wedding.
Buck may be a ‘man child’ but he is no Forrest Gump. His behaviour is not endearing and innocent but profoundly awkward, annoying and self-centred. Buck suffers from a child’s lack of self awareness and awareness of the feelings of others around them. His situation reminds us that what we usually carry with us from childhood is not a sense of innocence and wonder but a sense of unease and powerlessness about the situations we find ourselves in and a fear of being unloved and deserted by those we care about.
Mike White’s performance has recently been nominated by Jeff Bridges as his performance as his favourite of the last decade. Even viewers who have not particularly enjoyed the film have acclaimed his performance.
Some have interpreted the film as being homophobic because the gay character (Buck) is emotionally immature and does not behave in a manner befitting his age. However it is when Buck finally learns how to negotiate the tricky waters of adult sexuality and accept the pain and complexities that brings that he starts to mature (see my discussion on the ‘deal’ below). Some negative comments about the film argue that Buck is portrayed as a sexual predator. However the situation is shown to be considerably more complex than that.
Some viewers also have issues with the fact that Buck is not in a relationship at the end of the film. Some commentators interpret the moment at the end of the film where a man talks to Buck at Charlies’ wedding as Buck getting ‘cruised’. Mike White made an interesting comment in an interview with Michael Martin at nerve.com in 2007 http://www.nerve.com/content/qa-mike-white when asked if Buck has given up on the idea of a gay relationship
‘Well, I think Buck could be on the verge of one’ He then adds
‘ I don't think of them as any sadder than anyone else. Buck is certainly more . . . something than everyone else, but I think of him as happy too. He has his little world. He's lonely, I guess, but no more lonely than Chuck in his marriage’.
The eventual resolution of the situation between Buck and Charlie has caused a considerable amount of debate/controversy, particularly on IMDB/Amazon for a number of reasons. Some find it improbable that having spent most of the film trying to avoid Buck, Charlie would agree to sleep with him. Others argue Charlie is a repressed homosexual. Viewers tend to project their own expectations and anxieties onto Charlie. Some comments argue that in his own way Charlie has as many problems as Buck (as Mike White’s comment hints).
I have only come across one excellent essay about the film by Michael Sicinski on his website http://academichack.net/ (* http://academichack.net/chuckbuck.htm) that puts forward the most obvious and simple explanation - that Charlie is bisexual and that this neither invalidates his commitment to Carlyn or his past with Buck (Sicinski also makes a very thoughtful argument for how Buck’s embracing of his sexuality is part of his becoming a mature adult)
I think it is important to consider the true nature of what Charlie and Buck’s ‘deal’ is. It is not that Buck will leave Charlie alone in return for spending the night with him. In the scene where Buck puts the deal he firstly explains to an angry Charlie how much the intensity of their childhood relationship meant to him (It was just me and you, all this other stuff makes me feel dead). Charlie’s expression changes from anger to tenderness. Buck then puts ‘the deal’ to Charlie. But while Charlie initially looks taken aback he is not appalled and is considering what Buck is offering. When Buck sees Charlie’s concern he says makes it clear it is ‘just one night’ he is asking for. Buck then says ‘And then, I don’t know, you’ll never hear from me again’. Charlie then smiles at Buck, indicating agreement. What I understand this moment to mean is that Buck is offering Charlie a more long term relationship if that turns out to be what he wants but he cannot ignore both his and Buck’s shared past and his own (highly repressed) desire to return to their relationship. Buck in effect offers Charlie a safe space with boundaries (just one night) and a legitimate excuse (of leaving him alone) in order to do this so that it will not disrupt his current life and relationship.
Once the boundary is in place Charlie can freely acknowledge to Buck that their past relationship happened and that it had a profound meaning for him (yeah, I remember you, I remember everything), and re-enact it. However he explains to Buck afterwards before leaving him that ‘You need to grow up’ (prompting Buck’s retort of ‘Like you?’ to which Charlie responds ‘I’m trying- you know- acknowledging that he also finds the world a difficult place to navigate) and makes clear ‘There’s someone else in my life now’. As he says goodbye his tone of voice and face express gratitude and tenderness. While Buck is heartbroken (there’s no love left for me- not anymore!), he accepts the situation and begins to move on with his life.
On the audio commentary on the scene where Buck returns to his room and looks at the collages of his parents, Mike White points out that Buck realises that it is his parents who he actually misses, not Charlie. He also comments your parents are ‘the first people who break your heart’. Miguel Arteta, the film’s director describes this scene being about forgiving those who hurt you.
For me the true ending of the film comes when Buck and Charlie see each other some months later in the restaurant. Buck is with his friends from the theatre and Charlie is with Carlyn. They see each other. Buck looks at Charlie sorrowfully but with acceptance. He is the one to break eye contact. Charlie continues to look at Buck for some moments afterwards with unguarded tenderness and pride (to the point that Carlyn has to look at him in a questioning manner).
Arteta decided to film using digital photography. As well as greatly reducing the cost of making the film, this allowed him to tell the story with a deeper level of intimacy. In an interview with Res magazine in 2000 Arteta described how filming with two light digital cameras allowed both for longer takes and closer shots.
Both Chris Weitz and Mike White would garner considerable acclaim when they wrote films about immature thirtysomething men forced to grow up when they become parent figures to mature eleven years olds (‘About a boy’ and ‘School of Rock’ respectively).
Maybe a large part of why this film resonates with me is that Buck and Charlie’s lives are eternally affected by events that happened to them when they were eleven. I often feel in spite of all I have achieved as an adult that part of me is still that eleven year old girl. I certainly feel some of those around me (including close family and lifelong friends) have difficulties accepting quite how responsible and mature I actually am.
There was a recent event in Los Angeles which Miguel Arteta, Mike White, Lupe Ontiveros, the Weitz brothers and Matthew Greenfield (the films’ producer) attended http://www.ifc.com/news/2010/08/chuck-and-buck-turns-10.php. I find it very moving that in spite of all that each of the individuals involved has achieved since, they valued the experience so much that they all came to this event.
The film follows the events following the reunion of two childhood friends Charlie (Chuck) Sitter (played by Chris Weitz who would go on to direct ‘The Golden Compass’ and ‘New Moon’) and Buck O’ Brien (Mike White) at the funeral of Buck mother. The two men were best friends when they were eleven, although they have not met in many years and are now twenty seven. Charlie moved to Los Angeles and became a successful record company executive, with a fiancé called Carlyn. However Buck still acts as though he were eleven, playing with toys and sucking lollipops. Something transpires at the funeral that sends Charlie running back to Los Angeles and hints that something amiss happened between them when they were children.
Buck is undeterred and follows Charlie to Los Angeles. He turns up at Charlie’s work unannounced, phones his house at all hours and spies on him. Some of the critics of the film feel uneasy with its portrayal of stalking. Ironically many some of these critics wanted the story to resolve violently. Rather, the film shows the emotional distress and disruption that stalking causes to its victims and explores the social inadequacies and isolation of those who stalk.
Buck eventually decides to write a play about his childhood relationship with Charlie which he persuades a children’s theatre across the road from Charlie’s work to stage. He gets Beverley (Lupe Ontiveros) who works at the theatre to direct the play for $25 an hour. While at first there are elements of exploitation in the relationship, Beverley becomes fond of Buck and eventually becomes a valuable friend. She is able to comfort him when he finally relinquishes his attachment to Charlie and able to confide in him about her own insecurities. Through Beverley Buck finds a role in the adult world through helping out at the theatre. He in turn has given Beverley a chance to escape her mundane job in the box office and show her talents as a director.
Ontiveros gives a truly excellent performance- showing what a criminally misused actress she is. Before she acted in this film she had played the role of a maid in around 150-200 films/TV programmes including the Goonies and ‘As good as it gets’. Ontiveros said recently at the tenth anniversary screening I refer to below that she accepted the role without reading the script for no other reason than it was not a stereotypical Latina role (http://www.ifc.com/news/2010/08/chuck-and-buck-turns-10.php). In this article she also tells how Mike White called her in tears after she won an award for best supporting actress at the National Board of Review Awards in 2001, delighted she had finally got some recognition
Arteta also made unconventional choices for two other roles. He got his Wesleyan University classmate and friend Paul Weitz to play would be actor Sam and Paul’s brother Chris to play Charlie. Both had just finished making ‘American Pie’ which would make their names. Paul gives a wonderful comic performance as Sam, getting to deliver some highly politically incorrect lines. Some commentators have noted that Sam seems to be stuck in late adolescence the same way Buck is stuck in late childhood. In spite of his obvious lack of ability he decides to pursue a career in acting (reckoning it is better than laying carpet). He is highly misogynistic, making crude comments about Beverley behind her back in response to her more sophisticated put downs. He has also driven a female neighbour away with his behaviour. We find out in a deleted scene that he has driven his girlfriend to join a cult and has had issues with substance abuse. However, in spite of this he turns out to be more mature in his dealings with Buck than Charlie. After Buck gropes him, Sam immediately challenges him. There is even a note of self reproach that he has misread the situation. When Buck apologies for this pass, Sam accepts the apology after making it clear that he doesn’t want to sleep with him, but does not reject him. Carter Soles in his essay for E-jump cut (http://www.ejumpcut.org/archive/jc49.2007/CarterSoles/.html) explores the possibility that Sam himself is latently gay. In particular he explores Sam’s ‘smiling and scoping’ Buck twice, once when they first talk and in their conversation before Buck attends Charlie’s wedding.
Buck may be a ‘man child’ but he is no Forrest Gump. His behaviour is not endearing and innocent but profoundly awkward, annoying and self-centred. Buck suffers from a child’s lack of self awareness and awareness of the feelings of others around them. His situation reminds us that what we usually carry with us from childhood is not a sense of innocence and wonder but a sense of unease and powerlessness about the situations we find ourselves in and a fear of being unloved and deserted by those we care about.
Mike White’s performance has recently been nominated by Jeff Bridges as his performance as his favourite of the last decade. Even viewers who have not particularly enjoyed the film have acclaimed his performance.
Some have interpreted the film as being homophobic because the gay character (Buck) is emotionally immature and does not behave in a manner befitting his age. However it is when Buck finally learns how to negotiate the tricky waters of adult sexuality and accept the pain and complexities that brings that he starts to mature (see my discussion on the ‘deal’ below). Some negative comments about the film argue that Buck is portrayed as a sexual predator. However the situation is shown to be considerably more complex than that.
Some viewers also have issues with the fact that Buck is not in a relationship at the end of the film. Some commentators interpret the moment at the end of the film where a man talks to Buck at Charlies’ wedding as Buck getting ‘cruised’. Mike White made an interesting comment in an interview with Michael Martin at nerve.com in 2007 http://www.nerve.com/content/qa-mike-white when asked if Buck has given up on the idea of a gay relationship
‘Well, I think Buck could be on the verge of one’ He then adds
‘ I don't think of them as any sadder than anyone else. Buck is certainly more . . . something than everyone else, but I think of him as happy too. He has his little world. He's lonely, I guess, but no more lonely than Chuck in his marriage’.
The eventual resolution of the situation between Buck and Charlie has caused a considerable amount of debate/controversy, particularly on IMDB/Amazon for a number of reasons. Some find it improbable that having spent most of the film trying to avoid Buck, Charlie would agree to sleep with him. Others argue Charlie is a repressed homosexual. Viewers tend to project their own expectations and anxieties onto Charlie. Some comments argue that in his own way Charlie has as many problems as Buck (as Mike White’s comment hints).
I have only come across one excellent essay about the film by Michael Sicinski on his website http://academichack.net/ (* http://academichack.net/chuckbuck.htm) that puts forward the most obvious and simple explanation - that Charlie is bisexual and that this neither invalidates his commitment to Carlyn or his past with Buck (Sicinski also makes a very thoughtful argument for how Buck’s embracing of his sexuality is part of his becoming a mature adult)
I think it is important to consider the true nature of what Charlie and Buck’s ‘deal’ is. It is not that Buck will leave Charlie alone in return for spending the night with him. In the scene where Buck puts the deal he firstly explains to an angry Charlie how much the intensity of their childhood relationship meant to him (It was just me and you, all this other stuff makes me feel dead). Charlie’s expression changes from anger to tenderness. Buck then puts ‘the deal’ to Charlie. But while Charlie initially looks taken aback he is not appalled and is considering what Buck is offering. When Buck sees Charlie’s concern he says makes it clear it is ‘just one night’ he is asking for. Buck then says ‘And then, I don’t know, you’ll never hear from me again’. Charlie then smiles at Buck, indicating agreement. What I understand this moment to mean is that Buck is offering Charlie a more long term relationship if that turns out to be what he wants but he cannot ignore both his and Buck’s shared past and his own (highly repressed) desire to return to their relationship. Buck in effect offers Charlie a safe space with boundaries (just one night) and a legitimate excuse (of leaving him alone) in order to do this so that it will not disrupt his current life and relationship.
Once the boundary is in place Charlie can freely acknowledge to Buck that their past relationship happened and that it had a profound meaning for him (yeah, I remember you, I remember everything), and re-enact it. However he explains to Buck afterwards before leaving him that ‘You need to grow up’ (prompting Buck’s retort of ‘Like you?’ to which Charlie responds ‘I’m trying- you know- acknowledging that he also finds the world a difficult place to navigate) and makes clear ‘There’s someone else in my life now’. As he says goodbye his tone of voice and face express gratitude and tenderness. While Buck is heartbroken (there’s no love left for me- not anymore!), he accepts the situation and begins to move on with his life.
On the audio commentary on the scene where Buck returns to his room and looks at the collages of his parents, Mike White points out that Buck realises that it is his parents who he actually misses, not Charlie. He also comments your parents are ‘the first people who break your heart’. Miguel Arteta, the film’s director describes this scene being about forgiving those who hurt you.
For me the true ending of the film comes when Buck and Charlie see each other some months later in the restaurant. Buck is with his friends from the theatre and Charlie is with Carlyn. They see each other. Buck looks at Charlie sorrowfully but with acceptance. He is the one to break eye contact. Charlie continues to look at Buck for some moments afterwards with unguarded tenderness and pride (to the point that Carlyn has to look at him in a questioning manner).
Arteta decided to film using digital photography. As well as greatly reducing the cost of making the film, this allowed him to tell the story with a deeper level of intimacy. In an interview with Res magazine in 2000 Arteta described how filming with two light digital cameras allowed both for longer takes and closer shots.
Both Chris Weitz and Mike White would garner considerable acclaim when they wrote films about immature thirtysomething men forced to grow up when they become parent figures to mature eleven years olds (‘About a boy’ and ‘School of Rock’ respectively).
Maybe a large part of why this film resonates with me is that Buck and Charlie’s lives are eternally affected by events that happened to them when they were eleven. I often feel in spite of all I have achieved as an adult that part of me is still that eleven year old girl. I certainly feel some of those around me (including close family and lifelong friends) have difficulties accepting quite how responsible and mature I actually am.
There was a recent event in Los Angeles which Miguel Arteta, Mike White, Lupe Ontiveros, the Weitz brothers and Matthew Greenfield (the films’ producer) attended http://www.ifc.com/news/2010/08/chuck-and-buck-turns-10.php. I find it very moving that in spite of all that each of the individuals involved has achieved since, they valued the experience so much that they all came to this event.
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