30. Disclosure pt.2- Friends

Informing friends about TS does have some similarities to informing work colleagues in that you don’t wish to be pitied or discounted as a result of telling the other person. However with close friends you hope that you can have a relationship where you can share important parts of your life. You also hope that they will give you the understanding and support you need.

This is particularly important when you are younger. Sometimes friends may not be as sensitive or understanding as you hope. Sometimes it is not appropriate to tell the friend. However it is important that a girl with TS is allowed to inform others. I was made to feel like I had no right to tell others. My mother however told her friends, and on one occasion a family friend told her two daughters in order to make them behave nicely towards me! Not good.

There have only been a handful of non TS friends I have told about my TS. Two of these were friends I was close to at school. There were also a couple of friends at university that I told.

I have another close friend I have told, although we don’t really discuss it. She has always been supportive when we have done.

I know of several women with TS who have close friendships with people who are aware of their TS. Interestingly in one case a close friendship developed with another woman who had a serious health condition.

It would be great to have a non- TS friend who I could discuss TS with regularly with. It is not a failure of any friendship that this is the case but it is indicative of the fact that most people who do not have TS do not appreciate the impact it has in your life. However perhaps the fact that it is a non-issue for friends is a good thing as they see you as yourself not as a woman with TS.

I have to say that my friendships with other TS women mean so much to me not just because of the things I can tell them but because of the things I DON’T have to tell them.