46. A game of old maid or independent women?

As I said in the post below my youngest sister got married last year. My other sister married six years ago. This officially leaves me as an old maid!

Or so I though as I went for a stroll on the morning of my sister’s wedding. I made sure I gave myself time to consider this situation away from the family.  I am delighted that my sister has married and I wanted to fully participate in the happy day, without dwelling on any regrets of my own.

This year I am going to be 40. I own my own flat and have a good pension. I have a masters in librarianship and have been settled in a career I love for over 12 years. Yet I frequently feel that others see me as a failure because I am not in a relationship, not a parent and not financially wealthy. It has been hard realising that the principle person who I have to justify  myself to is myself.

I have no desire to get into a relationship just to fit in with others. It took me almost 20 years to find someone I liked as much as Gabriel. I feel incredibly damaged by the way he behaved towards me and I am not prepared to be treated that way by anyone else.

I have realised in the last year there are worse things than being alone. As I begin to evaluate where I am actually am in my life and begin go have a far more feminist understanding of societal pressures on women I have learnt to let go if the idea that I am a failure because I do not have a partner.

I know a great many single women over 30. Only some of these women have TS. A great conversation I had with one of these friends has made me reflect on some of the issues we all face.

Yes it is difficult knowing that as you will get older, there will not be a partner there to share the joys and challenges that will come. But there can be even more painful things than being a single woman and there are more painful ways of becoming single. I have seen this in the last few years.

There are a lot of benefits to being independent- the main one being that in the end I answer only to myself!