39: My 2010

As 2010 draws to an end, there are a number of things I have been reflecting on.

During 2009 I went to a counsellor to discuss how I felt about various issues including my relationships with my family, friends and work colleagues and the ongoing emotional fall out around my relationship with Gabriel. I found the counselling useful up to a point and have tried to use it to move forward. I have begun to look at some of my insecurities and how I can overcome these.

Just as well as this year has certainly brought its challenges- as my friends know! There has been a difficult situation at work and at home (dealing with a neighbours’ behaviour) as well as my personal relationships with family and friends.

I know that I can be oversensitive to criticism. I know that I can often misread others’ intentions. I must continue to learn not to allow the negative attitude I have towards myself affect my relationships with others. I have learnt to step back and enjoy seeing my friends and family as and when is possible and not take it personally if people are busy or take time getting back to me. I have learnt to trust people more. I know I have a long way to go. I still need to look at my insecurities and whether I deal with particular situations well. But I feel like I am beginning to move towards the sorts of relationships I want with others and be more relaxed about how people I care about view me.

Then there is the other aspect of my relationships of others. I have allowed others to push me about and put up with bullying/belittling behaviour. However this year I have started to take action in situations where others have behaved aggressively towards me and stepped away from relationships where there has been aggressive or belittling behaviour. This has not always been easy. But I am glad that I am developing enough self respect to know that I do not have to accept this behaviour. I have learnt that I can get help.

All in all, in the past year I have learnt to develop self-respect and assertiveness. I owe this not just to myself but to others who care about me too