65. A biography in ten albums - parts 3 & 4

3.Beach Boys –Pet Sounds (Capitol 1966)

 

My copy of the 1990 cd reissue of 'Pet Sounds'

 

I first heard of this album in 1988 on Capitol Gold when it was the featured album of the day one Sunday. I finally brought a copy on Vinyl in a local Our Price in Streatham with a voucher I received for my 18^th birthday (from a friend called Angela- thank you Angela!) in 1990. I played the album regularly while at University between 1991-1994, and it became a favourite.  I sold this vinyl copy in 1997 after I brought the album on CD. Even though this was a favourite album, it took a few years for me to fully appreciate it (I was a bit distracted by the Smile album sessions- more of which anon) but when I did….

However over the last six or so years this has become my favourite album. It may well be to do with the fact that this album works so well on my regular trips to Dublin and suits the beautiful Irish countryside and sea side at Skerries like no other music. It is therefore linked for me with a place of great beauty and peace for me. Pet Sounds is inextricably linked for me with my regular trips to Dublin, and my hope to eventually make a home there.

Of course, it may also be due to the fact I have seen Brian perform this live. I saw him perform it twice in 2002 when he first came to the UK and the thrill of revelation was unequalled to any live concert I have ever been to.  Brian and his band did not try to exactly replicate the record but managed to interpret it anew.  I also saw him perform it in 2006, as part of the album’s 40^th anniversary celebration.

My favourite song on this album by some distance is ‘Don’t talk, put your head on my shoulder’. This is such a heartbreakingly tender song. As I wrote about Brian in my blog post about him, he offers a more gentle and affectionate model of masculinity in his music and song is for me is a prime example of this.  I have read that Carole Kaye’s bass line on this echoes Brian’s request to “listen to  my heart”- answering each time he softly sings “listen”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gikGLzkKElw

Beach Boys- ‘Don’t talk, put your head on my shoulder’ uploaded by unknown360D

This film explains the evolution of this gorgeous song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIETb-6n1M8

Behind the Sounds- ‘Don’t talk’ – Uploaded by Behind the sounds

I think no other song sums up my life like ‘I guess I just wasn’t made for these times’. I frequently reflect on the line  ‘They say I got brains, but they ain’t doing me no good’. It sad to reflect this song accurately reflects Brian’s sense of isolation and dislocation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyhU2mVyFAk

Beach Boys ‘I guess I just wasn’t made for these times’- uploaded by witheyesclosed

This is perhaps the only album I would argue deserves its own box set. I did eventually buy this box set about five years ago and it was worth it for all the out-takes and alternative versions. I particularly love Brian’s piano demo of ‘Don’t talk, put your head on my shoulder’

I listen to this album every day on the commute into work.  I sometimes listen to it twice a day. I never once have grown tired of the album and get actual withdrawal symptoms. Listening to this album each day is like a promise to myself.

4. The Beach Boys The Smile sessions (Capitol 2011)

 

My copy of 'The Smile Sessions'

 

Now this is a complex one as it involves three different albums (so consider this post covering all three of them)!  I was first introduced to this via a bootleg cassette I brought at University in about 1992 (this was a tape of the 1990 Japanese Single CD bootleg). I was a fan of the Pet Sounds album. I had heard of the Smile sessions and was keen to find out. It was a bootleg cassette of the Smile Sessions that turned me into a die-hard Brian Wilson fan.  I absolutely fell in love with the fragments I heard.  I particularly loved the vocal line from ‘Wonderful’ and this is possibly my favourite track from the sessions. I loved ‘Wind-chimes’ and the out-takes from ‘Surfs up’ including Brian’s piano demo. One track that I liked but which has gone up in my estimation over 20 years is the track called ‘Holiday’ on this bootleg, but which was actually called ‘Look’ and which was called ‘Song for children’ on the completed 2004 version! (more of which anon!). I think it is House Music almost 20 years before it became popular!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iU4CsQXzN1o

Beach Boys- Look/Song for children – uploaded by Smile 892001

In 1995 I listened to a radio documentary about Smile featuring Brian and Van Dyke Parks, which included some wonderful out-takes. I got Smiley-Smile (along with Wild Honey) on CD for my birthday that year after hearing this documentary, thinking it included these out-takes. All I can sayis  I was somewhat disappointed! I persuaded my Dad to get the Beach Boys Good Vibrations box set for me from the USA as it included half an hour of Smile out-takes including ‘Wind-Chimes’, ‘Wonderful’ and ‘Surfs up’. I was very glad to own these legally! In early 1996 I got the CD of Friends & 20/20 which to my absolute delight included the completed version of Cabinessence (just glorious- I prefer this to Heroes and Villains, Surfs up and even Good Vibrations)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOAUroLJnRc

Beach Boys- Cabinessence – Uploaded by Smile892011

I even brought Domenic Priore’s legendary book ‘Listen, look, vibrate smile!’ which tried to reconstruct the story of Smile and what it would have been like if completed. Domenic Priore is friends with Darian Sahanaja and their many hours listening to Smile bootlegs would eventually reap rich rewards when Darian was asked by Brian to help him create a completed piece of music based on the out-takes in 2003.

I managed to download further out-takes on Napster in around 2000 (remember Napster?) I apologies to my parents for the cost as this was pre- broadband! I managed to download gems such as ‘whispering winds’, ‘Earth song’ (no not that one!) and ‘I want to be around’

Now I have to admit that listening to these out-takes does evoke bitter sweet feelings. While I love this music with all its inventiveness and expansiveness, it is impossible not to dwell on the enormous cost its creation had on Brian. I do not buy into the myth that the Smile album caused Brian to finally loose his sanity. But it is clear that there were many issues around the creation of his music which lead to Brian withdrawing not just from the Beach Boys and ultimately the music industry. It also withdrawing further into himself and that its failure to be completed further exacerbated his existing mental health issues. It is important that what happened to Brian is not romanticised or viewed as 'cool'.

The only bright point for me in 2003 was Brian’s announcement that he planned to complete the Smile music and perform it in London in January 2004 at the Royal Albert Hall. I did not attend the actual premiere but did attend the second night. It was one of the most transcendental spiritual experiences of my life and I was enraptured to know how all these fragments I loved finally came together. I think if anything seeing Brian and his band perform the piece the second time in June 2004 was even more transcendental.

You can imagine how pleased I was when it was announced Brian and his band were recording this completed version of ‘Smile’. This was released as ‘Brian Wilson presents Smile’ in September 2004. I brought it on the day of release and for almost two years I had ‘Our prayer’ (the opening track on the album) as the piece of music I woke up to each morning.  This album is not Smile as it would have been in 1967 (it is not claiming to be) but is an astonishing piece of work in itself. It garnered high critical acclaim.

As Brian wrote himself this looked like the end of the story. Not so! To the amazement of seasoned Brian fans like myself, in 2011 it was announced that Brian was working on a boxed set of the Smile Sessions. This got released as a two CD set with a completed version of ‘Smile’ based on the 2004 version and various out-takes and a five CD box set with extra goodies. My budget did not stretch to the five CD box set but I am more than happy with the 2 CD set. Apart from my own delight at being legally able to own these astonishing pieces of music legally (and Brian finally getting royalties!) it is wonderful to know that Brian has been able to have resolution to this painful part of his life and got to see for himself that this music has spoken so deeply to many people, especially other musicians. He has won through eventually. This music still has the power to surprise and delight me.

As an aside the packaging of both 'Brian Wilson Presents Smile' and 'The Smile Sessions' are exemplary.

64. And why in the end - 'medical issues' may not be the biggest challenges women with TS face

Having written all I have in the previous post, I would say that while the medical issues are highly significant I can truly say that the deepest impact that Turner Syndrome has had on my life has not been medical. I have been inspired to write this by disability training I received at work and the amazing facilitator who said it was not infant polio that had disabled him but society. The session certainly got me thinking and I sincerely hope that I carry it through in my dealing with others.

Pt. 1- Little woman syndrome
Firstly there is the issue of height. Personally I can cope with being five foot! There are only minor inconveniences attached to this, which I can get around. I have a small ladder at home to get into cupboards and use kick stools and ladders at work to reach items on higher shelves. The only time that it does get to be an issue is on public transport. As I have to commute through central London every day I frequently have to stand. However I cannot reach the bar to hold on while on the underground (although I try always to move down the carriage!) and if I am stuck by the door people frequently lean on the pole which people are supposed to hold on to. I also occasionally have issues in supermarkets, but not so often it causes significant inconvenience.

I have an aunt who is about 4’ 8” who has been a role model in being a strong, intelligent and independent person. My height does not affect my intelligence. It also does not affect my physical stamina. I am quite active, and regularly go for walks. I am able to push heavy trolleys as part of my job and handle very large volumes. However, my height does seem to be an issue for others. I call this ‘little woman, little mind’ syndrome.

People seem to think it appropriate to comment on your height. Lucy recalls that once a person in the street told her ‘Hope you don’t mind me saying but you are xxxxing small! I know that some women with TS get unwanted attention while in public because of their height. I could tell several stories about incidences that have happened when I have been with a group other Women with TS.

Sometimes there can be good natured affectionate teasing. It is important to take this in the spirit that it is intended. Lucy has many good stories about comebacks she has made at people who have tried to make an issue of her height, which turns the table on the other person and shows that she has confidence and self-worth enough not to get annoyed. But it does get wearing to have your height constantly made an issue of. Sometimes comments can be more barbed or pointed.

Even more seriously people can assume that because you are smaller that somehow you are physically incapacitated or some fey Victorian ‘invalid’. More significantly because you are the same height as a child, people assume that you have the intelligence or capacities of a child. They either patronise you or write you off. What is more painful about this is the fact that some people who I am close to and who I thought would know better do it. This is part of a larger issue of women being infantilised within a patriarchal society where women still struggle to be taken seriously.

2. Infertility
I could discuss this all again but will just refer to the post I wrote on this topic! http://www.june42.blogspot.co.uk/2010/04/22-thoughts-on-infertility.html

But again I would reiterate that infertility is seen as something which has to be a major source of pain for women with TS that it has to be ‘fixed’ and our primary interest is in ‘fixing’ it. As I wrote in my previous post, I do not have a serious issue with my infertility. I have to be honest and say that I would probably not have had children if I had been fertile and I am not the only woman with TS that feels that way. I acknowledge that I have friends with TS who have been devastated because of their infertility and I fully acknowledge and honour that.

A couple of things that have happened within my circle since I have started this blog have shown me that fertility issues can affect any woman and it is far more devastating to have to confront these issues when you are older and when they were not expected. I also have had the great joy of being allowed to be a significant part of my dear nephew’s life by my sister and her husband. It allows me to know that I have something to contribute to the next generation without having to be a mother myself.

3.And AOB! In my previous post I spoke about other health issues that can affect women with TS. These can be serious and indeed life threatening (particularly the issue of what can happen to the heart as we get older). Yes, women with TS do often have to deal with more health issues than the so called ‘average’ person. However, we are not the only group in this situation. Many people are dealing with health issues (be it physical or mental) - and often they are dealing with more than one issue. But again, we are not invalids. We are usually good at looking after ourselves and our health (or at the very least are no less bad at it than the population at large). We do not deserve to be stigmatised or made ‘a problem’. I began this post by mentioning the disability training I had recently gone on. The facilitator made it very clear that we must be willing take responsibility for our needs and care. I hope I do that I do.

63. TS – Why restricted height and infertility are not the whole story!

I have not blogged about Turner Syndrome in a long time but looking back at some of my early post has inspired me I have recently read an anthology of autobiographical essays by women with Turner Syndrome ‘Standing tall with Turner Syndrome’. It was very insightful to read what other women with TS thought were the major issues they faced with TS.

I have had reason to dwell on the full impact TS has had on my life and the many ‘curb ball’s it has thrown at me in the last twelve months. I do not do this to say in any way I have had more difficulties health wise than other women but to give an indication of all the fun things that TS can bring! Here is why!

- In May 2013 after three years of discussing spotting between periods with two GPs, an ultrasound scan, and a fairly frightening discussion and my annual Turner Syndrome check-up I was sent to a local hospital’s gynaecology clinic. The Doctor at this clinic suggested I have a D and C to check out the reasons by my spotting. I did not expect to get a call two days later calling me in two days hence for this procedure! I knew just what could be wrong and got very nervous! I had the D and C which went off well and thankfully all that was wrong was a cervical polyp. However this cervical polyp had caused a lot of doctor visits, discomfort and worry. I taught a couple of months later that another friend with TS had also gone through the same procedure with same outcome.

- I have had pains in my left ankle and foot over three years. I firstly noticed this on a trip to Cambridge with my book group in August 010. After a lot of GP visits (to three different GPs! ) one GP diagnosed Plantar Fasciitis. When it did not improve, I had to have a very painful cortisone shot (this occurred over the period of the London Riots of August 2011). After another year or so when things not getting much better my GP finally sent me for an X-Ray. The X-ray indicated I have early arthritis in this ankle along with Oestopenia. This finally allowed me to take appropriate action.

- I recently had a blood test as part of what I call my TS annual MOT that indicates that I may possibly have the beginnings of a ‘fatty liver’

There is one other ‘gift’ which I have been trying to deal with over last two years but this is a separate post in itself!

Here are some of the other health issue I have all of which can be related back to TS

Coeliac Disease- This directly impacts on my life three times a day when I have breakfast, lunch and dinner. It makes going out for a meal or eating with others (such as when I visit them) a minefield! I could go on forever about this. It is a significant health issue in and of itself and I could create a blog about my life with Coeliac disease alone! I know at least three other Women with TS who have Coeliac Disease. I have read that while the incidence of Coeliac Disease is 1 in 100 in the general population it is 1 in 20 in Women with TS.

Hypothyroidism

Bone density / Oestopenia- OK my last bone density scan was good but I am aware that my hip bone density was lower than it should have been for some years. By making sure I looked after myself, taking my calichew, eating high calcium foods and taking exercise, I have got the bone density in my hips into the normal range. I know some of my other friends with TS have issues as well.

Astigmatism – I have worn glasses for almost three years.

I have to take three different medications at three different points of the day. Calichew and thyroxin do not agree to I have to take them at opposite ends of the day. I fit in my HRT at lunch time! It is to put it mildly a nuisance to have to remember to take each one every day.

Hearing- I had glue ear as a child and some loss of hearing.

But my issues are nothing to the issues some of my friends face. One good friend has had gradual loss of hearing over the last few years. Lucy has significant hearing issues. I do not want to be controversial but I would say that the issue of TS and hearing is almost as significant as the issues of height and fertility, I have seen how it impacts on the quality of the life of my TS Friends. It impacts on all our interactions with others and our ability to participate fully in everyday life. Again I stress that I do not make a special case of myself – I am just using my own experiences to illustrate the point that for women with TS there are other health issues that have a major impact on our quality of life besides height and fertility.

I am grateful to the Turner Syndrome clinic that I attend for monitoring all these issues.

62. 10 ‘Classic’ acts I can see are Great/interesting but just can't get into

1. Iggy Pop

2. Captain Beefheart

3. Frank Zappa
4. The Clash

5. Bob Dylan- now this one does pain me and I have a couple of his albums. I do really like John Wesley Harding. Just never been able to warm to him

6. Lou Reed

7. Velvet Underground

8. Sex Pistols/PiL

9. Tom Waits- No, just no!

10. R.E.M.

Could add any number of other acts

61. 10 'Classic' acts I don't care for

1.Rolling Stones- Ok I like some of their 66-67 material such as Ruby Tuesday and She’s a rainbow…. But!  I will only say that my favourite Rolling Stone by several miles is Charlie Watts because he has been happily and loyally married to his wife Shirley for 50 years and doesn’t care for the level of fame he has achieved. Really don’t care for the way the rest of the band treat their partners

2. Pink Floyd- again a caveat in that I like some of the Syd Barrett period material but they set the standard for what I term ‘moan rock’ – i.e. self pitying privileged white middle class guys thinking they have so many problems

3. David Bowie- just don’t get it. Kudos however for spotting Luther Van Dross

4. The Smiths/Morrissey- what Morrissey says about Motown and Stevie Wonder especially gets him a spot on this list.

5. Radiohead- again Moan Rock. I think of their music then the most joyous life affirming gig I ever went to by Mary Love who had a truly appalling childhood, was widowed at a young age with a young family and had to deal with depression. She completely put Thom Yorke to shame in my book. The use of Radiohead’s ‘exit music’ in the final episode of Fr. Ted sums it all up better than I ever could

6. Oasis- Al I will say is that considering Noel Gallagher stole a couple of George Harrison titles he learned chuff all from George’s humility, sense of perspective and kindness to others. Love the fact that George made his thoughts about the band public! And Noel’s comments about Pet Sounds  would earn him a place here (yo- the Beatles- that band you love ripping off, all love the album!)

7. Blur- Ok they are/were more musically inventive that Oasis, and kudos to Damon Albarn for issuing world music, reissuing Candy Stanton album and working with Bobby Womack (but I agree with Peter Young!) but he always looks a bit too pleased with himself

8.  Led Zepplin- OK Robert Plant and John Paul Jones may have redeemed by championing /working with several female artists from around the world. But still….

9. Coldplay - YAWN

10. White Stripes- Now there is a band I love which comprises of an ex married couple where the woman drums, has a charismatic man singing his soul out and has a strong blues influence – that band is Quasi. Sam Coombs would never marry a supermodel